Abzmitz's Blog

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Slow Poison..


I hardly speak about my problems to anyone. In fact I believe I have two people in me, one person is Abishek and the other Mithun. Abishek is a nice down to earth kind of guy whose thinking is always pure, but Mithun is a freak and runs the entire bad math and gives me a kind of unique character. In total Abishek Mithun is a very silent guy and who does not care about anything.

I was not silent when I was born though. I was supposedly one of the naughtiest and most talkative kid it seems. Well till class 7 I was pretty much that way, well I even had a girlfriend back then. Those were the days…

For class 8 I was put in a boarding school, and it was hell for me. Believe me when I say it was hell. First thing they did to me was cut my hair; I had this cool veg hair cut which was very stylish back then. Well that was the beginning of my reformation. Those three years were a mess. Puberty played a freaking role in my whole transformation. I was so humiliated in school that the scar will never disappear. I was very arrogant kind of kid back then with a group of my own making fun of others and I had that superiority complex. One fine day, I don’t know what the hell happened all my friends stopped talking to me. I didn’t give a damn, but the worst was just coming. All the kids in school started teasing me and calling names. At times I would get so angry, but I could not do anything. I was one man standing against a batch of 100. For a year this went on. I was silenced; I had stopped talking to almost everyone. This whole incidence gave me series of characteristic, like patience, emotional control, analysing ability and mostly forgiving ability. It brought down my pride and arrogance to certain extent. Till that day I had never asked for forgiveness from anyone but I did ask and things changed.

I learnt a lot; even today I have all those characters intact. Nothing changed in later part of my life. Life teaches everyone in one way or the other, its just the time when you learn is important. In reality today I am kind of cold person, I keep my interaction to the minimum. I believe talking too much causes problems, and it does. I don’t get into fights, I don’t take sides and I make my own rules and follow them.

I never told about my depression to anyone. When people tell me theirs I feel how weak everyone is. I had thought of committing suicide a lot of times but I never tried it. This was one part of the story where I built a strong base to face the world problems I guess.

Let me tell you about the depth of my depression. If you guys have heard of stress ulcers and even might have had them, even I had them for a year and it was not a small one in your mouth. I used to get severe ulcers as big as a 25ps coins and there were at least 4 of them at any point. You know when you’re deeply hurt emotionally it’s always good to express it to someone, but I never did, so the result was overly stressed kid.

I never tell the complete story to anyone, it is because I don remember them. Its kind of character I developed wherein my bad memories stay buried. Experiences make a man not age. But people learn only from the bad ones..

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January 2, 2010 - Posted by | Serious Thinking.. Blah..Blah!

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