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I was sitting alone doing nothing and had a strange feeling of talking to someone. Talking to someone to ward off my loneliness in one way. But I could not think of anyone whom I could call and talk to. I started wondering, where did all my friends go? Or did I distance myself too much from everyone? I keep fighting this battle of loneliness now and then. I keep telling myself, one day I wont be lonely anymore. Sometimes I think I feel lonely because I am not in a relationship, or I don’t socialize so much. but sometimes I feel I am better off alone and single.
When I was a small kid, I used to play all alone talking to myself and making stories. I didn’t have the pleasure of toys to play but I still managed to find a shoe or a slipper and make it a car and used to play with it all day making sounds and telling stories. I was malnourished kid and I also had metal straps on my legs as it was weak and bent.It is called something in medical term which was because of deficiency. And because of that I was not in a position to run or play with anyone. But I never felt lonely those days, I was happy playing by myself. But today it is a different story.
I remember once in school I used to sit alone while other kids used to play. I was asked by my teacher why I was sitting alone, and I said I had no friends. In the afternoon class she called me to the front and asked the students, “Who wants to be friends with Abishek?”. I still remember 3 guys who stood up as to offer their friendship.
I was lonely again when I was in class 9th and 10th. And, now I am kind of lonely again. I believe in happy and sad cycles. These are like business cycles, which have their peaks and falls too. Its very true in my case atleast. So, what I think now is that I am coming out of the sad phase and will soon enter the happy phase and enjoy life till the phase lasts. I am just waiting for it.. Atleast I am optimistic… 🙂


January 29, 2010 - Posted by | Serious Thinking.. Blah..Blah!

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