Abzmitz's Blog

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Death of an Afghan Snow Leopard

“Afghan snow leopard”, “Royal Bengal Tiger”, “Single horned rhino” the list can go on. These animals are on the verge of extinction because of humans. There are hardy thousands of each left on this planet. Humans! I sometimes hate my own kind.
I was looking at a photo dairy called “Death of a Snow leopard” on Time. I was just looking at the picture but I could feel the pain the leopard had been through. It was captured by a hunter in Afghanistan mountains and bought to the capital Kabul in a cage. Its hind leg was wounded because of the trap the hunter had laid. It was completely frightened and terrified by humans while the hunter was trying to sell it. Wealthy business men pay about $50k for these exotic animals. But somehow it was saved by some environment activists but it didn’t survive. One of the doctor says, it died because of the stress it went through. Imagine you are the king of a country, walking with pride and knowing that no one exists to defeat you and suddenly you are captured and tortured and taken away and sold. How would you feel? I guess I would have killed myself than living with that trauma.
I have a strong sense of emotional connection with animals and also people that I start feeling their pain when I see them or hear them tell about their miseries. I always wish I can do something, but I always fail. I just wish, that someday things will change.

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March 18, 2010 Posted by | Serious Thinking.. Blah..Blah! | Leave a comment

Silence kills?

I just watched this movie called ‘Brothers’, starring Tobey Maguire, Natalie Portman and Jake Gyllenhaal. The movie has lot of emotions of different characters and situations.

Capt Sam Cahill (Tobey) and Tony Cahill (Jake) are brothers. Sam is married to Grace (Natalie) and has 2 daughters. Tony is the younger brother, he just returns from jail. Tony’s character depicts the failed second child attitude. The father always wanted the second son to be like his brother a hero and follow his footsteps, but he turns out to be an antisocial. Every time the father compares Tony with his brother, he make him feel he is worthless. This emotion, of being the second child and being treated differently is always prevalent in every home.
I have always been mama’s boy and my sister being dad’s girl. I was never used to get anything new, be it cycle, notebook or even a pen, everything came to me after being used by my sister. When ever she used to be angry or frustrated she used to beat me up. She was good at everything, be it dancing, sports or studies. I grew up as a shy and timid kid, afraid of not being able to keep up to my sister standards. I love my sister and even my dad, but that feeling of being the second child is always there. Even till date, I never have much attachment with my dad or sister, I guess this is the reason. The other day I was talking to my sister, I asked her why she used to beat me up everyday when i was a kid. I was pretty surprised when I heard the answer. Apparently, when the second child is born the first child wont be getting so much of attention and care as it used to get before. Now considering children of that age, who want to be cared and given attention and does not get it. They do anything to get that attention and care. So, my sister was doing the same. Actually in the movie also they show this emotion being displayed by Sam’s first daughter.

There is another scene in the movie where in Sam gets captured in Afghanistan and is tortured for three months until he is rescued. During this torture he will be made to kill his colleague by beating him to death with a metal rod. After he is rescued, he comes home to find out his place in the family is being replaced by his brother. His behavior is also changed because of the trauma he had been through. He is paranoid and walks around in the house with a gun. Army men can be very tough mentally and can keep secrets even if they are in the verge of dying. Sam being a marine, never talks about his days where he was captured and was made to kill his colleague. When your deeply hurt emotionally, it is best consoled if you let it out either by crying or talking about it to someone.
There was a time when I never talked about my emotions with anyone, I kept it all in me and pretended to be normal. It was a time when my girlfriend had slept with another guy. And unfortunately I came to know about it from that guy itself in his room where everything had happened. He started telling me the whole scene, where they did what and how. I was listening, trying not to lose my temper and be aware of what was happening. After he finished, I called my girl and asked her if it was true.. she started crying. I didn’t know what to do at that point. The guy who slept with her had that proud look on his face telling me “I slept with your girl man.. looser!”. I just left that place telling that guy never to interfere in my girlfriend’s life. I called my girlfriend and told her not to worry, I was not mad at her and I would not leave her. She felt better but I felt worse. I never talked about it to anyone, kept it for myself suffering in pain. I could not see my girlfriend in her eyes, it had become so difficult. Almost six months passed until I met a girl. She was pretty and she liked me. I thought this was my chance to escape from all the miseries and start a new life. But it was a bad decision and everything in my life after that. I wish I had let out my anger and pain.

Well, the movie ends when Sam tells his wife about what happened and he feels a sense of relief. I guess its too heavy to carry all the pain.

February 20, 2010 Posted by | Serious Thinking.. Blah..Blah! | Leave a comment

Loneliness…

I was sitting alone doing nothing and had a strange feeling of talking to someone. Talking to someone to ward off my loneliness in one way. But I could not think of anyone whom I could call and talk to. I started wondering, where did all my friends go? Or did I distance myself too much from everyone? I keep fighting this battle of loneliness now and then. I keep telling myself, one day I wont be lonely anymore. Sometimes I think I feel lonely because I am not in a relationship, or I don’t socialize so much. but sometimes I feel I am better off alone and single.
When I was a small kid, I used to play all alone talking to myself and making stories. I didn’t have the pleasure of toys to play but I still managed to find a shoe or a slipper and make it a car and used to play with it all day making sounds and telling stories. I was malnourished kid and I also had metal straps on my legs as it was weak and bent.It is called something in medical term which was because of deficiency. And because of that I was not in a position to run or play with anyone. But I never felt lonely those days, I was happy playing by myself. But today it is a different story.
I remember once in school I used to sit alone while other kids used to play. I was asked by my teacher why I was sitting alone, and I said I had no friends. In the afternoon class she called me to the front and asked the students, “Who wants to be friends with Abishek?”. I still remember 3 guys who stood up as to offer their friendship.
I was lonely again when I was in class 9th and 10th. And, now I am kind of lonely again. I believe in happy and sad cycles. These are like business cycles, which have their peaks and falls too. Its very true in my case atleast. So, what I think now is that I am coming out of the sad phase and will soon enter the happy phase and enjoy life till the phase lasts. I am just waiting for it.. Atleast I am optimistic… 🙂

January 29, 2010 Posted by | Serious Thinking.. Blah..Blah! | Leave a comment

Deadly death!

I have encountered death twice. In normal state of my mind I can say I am not afraid of dying, but when death looks into your face and tell you, you’re going to die, that is when you get very scared. The first time I got this feeling was when I met with an accident, a head on collision with a car and my bike. I had closed my eyes for sometime and didn’t realize I was in the middle of the road and the car light flashed into my eyes. I had hardly 2 seconds before I realized I was going to die. The first thing that came into my mind was my family crying over my death and I thought to myself that I cannot die today. I woke up after a while, I was lying flat on the car bonnet and the crowd was screaming. I was smiling when I woke up.
Me and some friends had gone to Edmuri. It’s a picnic spot beside a river. We were all playing in the river stream, the stream was bit strong and at the center the force was even stronger. Except me none of my friends knew swimming. One of my friend was at the center of the stream and he looked comfortable playing there. Suddenly he slipped and the stream took him along. I went after him but the stream was so strong that it took me also into it. I was under water for about 5 seconds in which I had to decide to go after my friend risking my life or save myself. I decided to save myself and with all my energy I dragged myself to safety. I saw my friend being taken away and he was screaming for help. That moment I felt guilty,humiliated, weak and helpless. But, my friend did survive. It was a miracle though.
Even the strongest man bows down to death. It is very difficult for a normal man to stare at death and tell it to fight. I think if a man loves something more than himself, only then he will be able to do it. Hmmm….. I don’t think I can stare at death today, but maybe after certain time, when I have a family, I would stare at death to protect them against all odds.

January 10, 2010 Posted by | Serious Thinking.. Blah..Blah! | Leave a comment

Secret to long life…

My normal heart beat is around 56-60, but the normal is 72. Some people might say it is bad but scientifically athletes have lesser number of heart beats in normal conditions and while they are working out it increases substantially.
Your life is essentially dependent on your organs, and two main organs which keep you in good health is your heart and brain. Brain can be manipulated easily as it does not require much of physical effort. But your heart needs to be healthy to support and supply blood to all the organs at all times. So exercising it to keep in good form is essential for it to be healthy. High blood pressure and low blood pressure is maintained by your heart and it maintains it by pumping blood at sufficient pressures. If my heart is able to generate the same amount of pressure pumping just 60 times a minute than the normal person it is obviously better. The possibility of a heart attack is also negligible as the pressure at which my heart can pump is 20% more than the normal.
Now let me tell you how to reduce your heart beat. Firstly you need to do physical exercise like jogging, swimming, cycling, walking or playing games like football which involves quite a lot of physical activities. And all these should be a routine for whole of your life. You will see the result normally in about 3 to 6 months. You will need to involve in at least half hour workout everyday.
It not only helps your heart but in total your body health. It will make you look younger, fitter, more energetic, more resistance towards normal diseases and some intangibles like self-confidence and less stress. In addition don’t do this: smoking, alcohol and other drugs. Alcohol to certain extent is good but not always.

January 3, 2010 Posted by | Serious Thinking.. Blah..Blah! | Leave a comment

Slow Poison..


I hardly speak about my problems to anyone. In fact I believe I have two people in me, one person is Abishek and the other Mithun. Abishek is a nice down to earth kind of guy whose thinking is always pure, but Mithun is a freak and runs the entire bad math and gives me a kind of unique character. In total Abishek Mithun is a very silent guy and who does not care about anything.

I was not silent when I was born though. I was supposedly one of the naughtiest and most talkative kid it seems. Well till class 7 I was pretty much that way, well I even had a girlfriend back then. Those were the days…

For class 8 I was put in a boarding school, and it was hell for me. Believe me when I say it was hell. First thing they did to me was cut my hair; I had this cool veg hair cut which was very stylish back then. Well that was the beginning of my reformation. Those three years were a mess. Puberty played a freaking role in my whole transformation. I was so humiliated in school that the scar will never disappear. I was very arrogant kind of kid back then with a group of my own making fun of others and I had that superiority complex. One fine day, I don’t know what the hell happened all my friends stopped talking to me. I didn’t give a damn, but the worst was just coming. All the kids in school started teasing me and calling names. At times I would get so angry, but I could not do anything. I was one man standing against a batch of 100. For a year this went on. I was silenced; I had stopped talking to almost everyone. This whole incidence gave me series of characteristic, like patience, emotional control, analysing ability and mostly forgiving ability. It brought down my pride and arrogance to certain extent. Till that day I had never asked for forgiveness from anyone but I did ask and things changed.

I learnt a lot; even today I have all those characters intact. Nothing changed in later part of my life. Life teaches everyone in one way or the other, its just the time when you learn is important. In reality today I am kind of cold person, I keep my interaction to the minimum. I believe talking too much causes problems, and it does. I don’t get into fights, I don’t take sides and I make my own rules and follow them.

I never told about my depression to anyone. When people tell me theirs I feel how weak everyone is. I had thought of committing suicide a lot of times but I never tried it. This was one part of the story where I built a strong base to face the world problems I guess.

Let me tell you about the depth of my depression. If you guys have heard of stress ulcers and even might have had them, even I had them for a year and it was not a small one in your mouth. I used to get severe ulcers as big as a 25ps coins and there were at least 4 of them at any point. You know when you’re deeply hurt emotionally it’s always good to express it to someone, but I never did, so the result was overly stressed kid.

I never tell the complete story to anyone, it is because I don remember them. Its kind of character I developed wherein my bad memories stay buried. Experiences make a man not age. But people learn only from the bad ones..

January 2, 2010 Posted by | Serious Thinking.. Blah..Blah! | Leave a comment

Johnnie walker!

I had the privilege to take a course on Brand management. In one of the class we had to analyse an advertisement. I had previously seen this Johnnie walker ad, but I had never given a though about it.

“I am faster than you, I am stronger than you, certainly I will last longer than you. You may think I am the future, but you are wrong, you are. If i had a wish, I wish to be human, to know how it feels.. to feel, to hold, to despair, to wonder, to love. I can achieve immortality without wearing out. You can achieve immortality by doing one great thing… KEEP WALKING”

Every word in this has been chosen to reflect the brand Johnny Walker.  The ad starts with an old library with statues of great personalities of out past and at the end the human android is sitting. The reference is TIME. It says the brand has stood over centuries. Then they show many images like an open book, globe, spiral wire, pyramid.. all these represent the presence of the brand in time across the globe. The sun rises and sets, which is an expression for the way it has stood with time. Then the human android speaks about the brand. The android is Johnny Walker. The human android is also a symbol left to the imagination of the viewers. Every person who watches it relates himself to great personalities who have left behind their foot print. If you see closely the words spoken and the image, there is lot of relationship. You can see fluids moving inside the android is talking. What they are trying to show here is also their superiority in technology in making whiskey. And since this product is niche in its category it is targeted to people who are rich and successful and to also people who wish to be rich and successful.

It’s not get an ad, it is has won many awards for its creativity and details. At last what inspire me is the last sentence, “You can achieve immortality by doing one great thing… KEEP WALKING”

December 29, 2009 Posted by | Serious Thinking.. Blah..Blah! | Leave a comment

Dream on…

I day dream a lot. Usually my imagination runs simultaneously as someone speaks. Its very spontaneous. If I am sitting in a investment banking class, I start imaging myself as a hedge fund manager giving a return of 60% to my clients and retire as a billionaire. And similarly I become a billionaire in many other imagination of myself as a entrepreneur, tennis player and sometimes even lottery winner.

I don’t stress on that part, but the part where  I imagine myself  after I become a billionaire.  I never see myself driving expensive cars or having lavish parties with pretty women. I see myself amids a huge reforestation site. I build villages which are self sufficient with water and power resources. I educate people in backward nations to live and earn, not by feeding them. That is because I believe in the concept of teaching a hungry man to fish than giving him fish. I dream of eradicating the ruthless dictators in African nations. I dream of making African nations realize how much resources they have to become a super power. In short I dream of making earth a better place to live.

I also dream of scaling Mt Everest and going to North and South poles. I never dream of shopping but I dream to live and experience nature and its beauty. Whenever I see places shown in the TV channel travel and living, I imagine myself in those places. Sometimes I imagine the blue and white sand beaches with beautiful coral reefs and colorful fishes. And at times I dream of understanding different cultures even though I have never understood my own.

I dream of the barriers between nations  broken and everyone living in unity and harmony, sharing and caring. No racism, no discrimination based on caste or religion. Its all my dream though.

December 29, 2009 Posted by | Serious Thinking.. Blah..Blah! | Leave a comment

“Ideal” Humen beings!

The first time I popped an ecstasy pill, I was in Goa. I was always scared to do drugs all my life because I was told thats drugs is bad and people who use drugs are bad people. My perception about drugs changed only about few years back. Usually people talk about drugs and people who use them without knowing anything about them. The best info they have is some death of a celebrity or someone who became insane. For the information of all these kind of  “Ideal” human beings eating too much also kills people and even studying too much will drive people insane.

The general perception of all these “ideal” human beings is that, people who drink, smoke and do drugs are antisocial. But nowadays drinking and smoking has been excluded to some extent. I believe such “ideal” human beings are anti social element. Why can’t they mind their own business and take care of their fat ugly kids than preach ideologies.

And before some years even I belonged to those kind of people. It’s all because of exposure that my ideologies and perceptions have changed. I still can’t believe the fact that Indian men cannot accept their girlfriends or wives if she had physical relationship with some other man. I don’t blame them, it’s these “Ideal” human beings who have made this society the way it is today.  The present generation at least in the metros are coming out of the shell and accepting new cultures. I remember how I reacted for the first time when I girlfriend said she was not a virgin. I was shattered, what I had believed all my life was shattered. It took me some time to absorb the fact and move on. But again all depends on the exposure and the society you have been bought up in.

People should be open-minded and accept life the way it comes. Every ideology they believe should be backed by their personal experience. There is so much in life to explore and enjoy. I wish every one of them explores to the limits in which they remain healthy and sane.

December 28, 2009 Posted by | Serious Thinking.. Blah..Blah! | Leave a comment

Time!

Life is all about timing… the unreachable becomes reachable, the unavailable become available, the unattainable… attainable. Have the patience, wait it out It’s all about timing.

i have been living by this theory for quite some time now. Before I used to think everything is in our hands and we mend our future. We do mend it but the success lies only if time and luck is with us. Everything happens for a reason, but we wont know the reason until we see it one day.
I have seen people say, “Why did this happen to me?”. I always try to give them the better side of it, but they never agree with it. There were many situation in life and there will be many in future to that we will face and everything whether good or bad should be a learning experience.

December 26, 2009 Posted by | Serious Thinking.. Blah..Blah! | Leave a comment